For Whoever Might still be reading...

So its been a while since I've blogged, this year has been honestly crazy!
I thought I'd have time to get back into it after my 1st semester exams but once those were over it seemed like 2nd semester exams were already there!! I've been getting loads of comments during the months I haven't been blogging and I've decided it's time to start blogging regularly again...I'm not sure HOW regularly but I think I'm gonna try post my thoughts on this blog.
I learnt so much this year that I feel its the right thing to do =)
Share the answers that I've discovered about my doubts!
Theology is really having an effect on me and well for whoever is still reading...I think I'm really going to start getting back into this so stayed tuned (:

Bullets

So lately I've been learning a lot of small things that i don't want to forget or things I'd like to adapt to my life and I don't want to forget them so i've decided to jot the down here seeing as I doubt anyone reads blogs anymore I think its the best place to write them were they can remain rather personal and at the same time might touch someone (:

so today's lesson:

I became accustomed to looking at the big picture and looking at what God wanted for my future and just seeking out the goal and just preparing for that and I never realized that I need to work for the now not the future so I've decided to take God on a day by day basis by praying for people on the spot, instead of forgetting to do it later and reading the bible because I feel like instead of waiting till I have time to have a whole quiet time session.
Yes, I'm gonna try work on the now. Do everything there and then and stop delaying things.

Wish me luck!

New Things

I'm trying out new things with this blog. Ive been a bit created, ive tried the updating on my life, ive tried the random things that happen to me that can only happen to me. Now I trying something else...
this morning a bunch of my friends went up to soul survivor and for the first time in 3 years i didnt join them, and as weird as it feels to be in malta in what i had completely forgotten is the busiest week of the year, yes i am actually ok with this.
Im hanging out with people i dont often spend time with and im doing things i dont normally do. Ive decided that every new and awesome thing i do i shall write. So yes, ill be updating this post regularly (:

Day 1:
Playstation 3 at Petes :D
watched 21 XD
Selling energy saving lights at a camera shop xD
Actually walking it home :o
spring cleaning! XD

Day 2:
i touched over 70 cameras and honestly learnt too much if its possible xD
Shopping and hafna bonding with vanessa ^^
i bought jeggings. 'nough said XD
oh and awesome shoes :D
got some really pretty visions at community ^^

Day3:
sold 10 cameras this week ^^
i changed my first diaper! XD
got to star gaze in the middle of the sea ^^
got to sing-a-long with christian music coming from the boat next to us who just happened to have a boat full of australian christians xD
played with kiddies all day :D
took some awesome pics (:
slept on the boat

Day 4
first dive of the year!! :D so grand ^^
saw 5 star fish
caught my first octopus ever xD
collected shells ^^
almost caught a fish XD
saw flying fish :D
changed more diapers xD
sailed home (:
watched ss on God tv XD
slept at val :D

Day 5
woke up and made friends with Val's mum xD
made pear bread which came amazing (Y)
finally watched repo men
had a mini ss ministry session in my living room :D

Day 6
xeba cameras yet again! XD
went up to bugibba and studied with van all day ^^
bbq at becky's! :D

so yes...a nice random week full of activities and i enjoyed every second of it ^^ <3

signing out.

"This is the first day of the rest of my life"

This is the first day of the rest of my life. As I walk through those doors I know there is no turning back. I've left everything behind. I have no regrets. Moving to New York was the best decision I have ever made. My opportunity has finally come and I'm not wasting one minute of it on doubt.
I burst through the doors and stand with my head held high and a smirk on my face. The spotlight reaches me and I wait as I see all the heads turn to face me. They've found me. Thousands of people sitting with their heads turned, looking at me. Waiting. Expecting.
I open my mouth and the lyrics jump out onto the floor and rush to the stage. They fill the room with an excitement and joy that lifts everyones spirit. I start walking down the aisle, looking at the faces of those watching me. Some look confused, probably wondering why I've started from the back entrance instead of on stage. But what is a show without spontaneity ?
I'm reaching the climax of my song. I've reached the stage. I start walking up the stairs. My eyes haven't left the audience. I walk towards centre-stage. My song is finishing. I must woe them again. They will remember my name after this show! I will not be forgotten. I look down. I've reached centre-stage. I slowly look back up at the audience and sing the highest and loudest note I have ever sung in my whole life. I stop. I smile. I try to catch my breathe and wait. A few moments of silence.
A sea of people rise and applaud me. I am taken aback by the volume of screams and claps coming from the audience. I've never sung in front of thousands of people before. The lights go off and the curtains close in front of me. I take a minute to absorb everything that has just went on. I heard the hustle and bustle of people grabbing their coats and slowly making their way to the nearest exits.
I take my last deep breath and begin to walk towards the backstage. I am greeted and congratulated by millions of pearly white teeth on all those smiling faces. I've done well. I know.
After a good amount of time thanking people, I finally make my way up to my dressing room. I sit at my make-up desk and stare at the girl who was once too scared to even sing in front of her own mother. She's still hidden behind all that foundation and those false eyelashes, but she's finally almost gone. I've come a long way since then and with this major opportunity, many more will come. So I say ,"Hello!" to fame and "Goodbye." to fear and the life I used to lead.

Patience?

Willkommen!
Well, as some of you might know, 2 weeks after my dear Ellie was brought to me she was taken away and was re-given to me 2 weeks later after being analyzed and fixed by a technician! so yes...even thought i've had my beautiful laptop for a month, she's only actually been at me for 2 weeks now. I am just full of luck aren't I?
Also, for those of you who have not heard yet, I passed all my A-levels! yes yes awesome I know BUT [ yes there is ALWAYS a but with me] I didn't get into uni because I am 2 points under...yes funny isn't it? It has to be me right? There is always a catch when it comes to my life isn't there xD
Want to know what tops it all off? Today was the only day i got off work in the whole summer [excluding weekends] so I could go to the student advisor to see if there is anything I could do about my "narrow fail" so I got all excited about spending a few minutes talking to the advisor and off to the beach to enjoy my day off but ALAS! Little did I realise that half of Malta decided that they want to know what they're going to do in life today [and I thought I was the only person who didn't know that yet, silly me]. So yes, I picked a number (166) and sat my ass down and opened up my book and began reading when i heard the number 23 being called out and I thought oh dear I'm going to be here for an hour or two but I said it's ok I'm a patient person and I've got my book - I'm settled. Little did I know that my 2 hours turned into 7 and a half most wasteful hours of my life ><
To top that, my mum came in the last half hour and was moaning for she had to wait half an hour for what ending up being a 5 minute conversation with an advisor who had a cold and sneezed in my face >< \Mother felt bad for me afterwards so she took me to the point for a bit of retail therapy but of course there is another BUT! 5 minutes after I got into the point I start seeing people rush out...why you ask? a fire drill! And they were closing early 'cos of it.
Laugh, honestly, it's freaking hilarious at how much bordering bad luck I've had this last week ><
So I say to myself, how far can my patience take me? How much longer is God going to test my patience?


Any bets?

Ellie

YEY my laptop finally arrived and she is an utter beaut ^^

This is just a little intro about her...

I've been waiting for almost a year to finally get a laptop and infact I've been waiting for her for so long that I feel like I've had her for years when infact we've only been together for 3 days now

I've decided to name her Ellie because my computer broke down around the time the film UP! came out and I fell in love with the character "Ellie" and decided what better way to make a tribute to her than by naming my laptop after her ^^

so yes...say hello to Ellie!!

she'll hopefully be bringing you more blog posts and much more of my thoughts out in the open...don't hate her for it ok?!?

Signing off with pro blessings and cuddles xxx

Minute Blogs

Just informing anyone who reads that I will not be blogging until I have a new computer due to the fact that this computer is crashing and blogs pain it for some reason..my poor Sasha is taking her last breaths it seems :(

Yes I know I said I'll try harder to blog more often but I can't do much about this sorry =/

Birthday beginnings

With 192 facebook birthday wishes,

15 birthday messages,

14 birthday cards,

5 birthday calls,

3 birthday visits,

2 birthday cakes and

1 awesome birthday outing and birthday shopping spree, my 18th is finally over (:

I wanted my 18th to be the launch of my blog- renewed.

Compared to last year my birthday week has been great! I just want to make a shout out to all of you who made my birthday so special ^^ every single text/wall post/visit/call/outing/present made me feel so loved. A week ago I was sad because I honestly thought that my birthday would just be another day to me and I would have wasted my 18th but seriously...i feel so cared about and thought of ^^ so yey!

My birthday celebrations started off on Sunday morning with a family bbq for lunch. I was honestly so touched when my aunt told me that my 4 year old cousin woke up and told her that that day was my special day and that they had to do everything to make me feel special on that day. And boy did she make me feel special ^^

By the end of the evening I was up in Bidnija having an awesome all girls sleepover ^^ which was awesome but was kinda interrupted by the guys...I'll write a story about that in my next blog.

Anyway, coming morning/afternoon I found myself back home catching up on sleep with an evening spent bonding with my new friend Vass XD till I got a surprise visit from the Xmun.

My actual birthday was spent almost always out. My morning was spent in Valletta with the mother on a shopping spree ^^ while after recuperating, my early afternoon was spending driving :D followed by a visit from Zoe and a visit to the Z.E's house. My evening began with a walk on the front with Zoe, a photo shoot at the LOVE sign and a joining of the Zinga (:

My night ended with photo shoots all over the Bay street area and a chat with several girlies on the bay street roof. I kinda felt like i was 13 again xD

So that's it for today. Hopefully I'll be coming here more often, especially once I get a new laptop ^^ and with this I leave you! *sorry*

Signing off with 18 cuddles and blessings

The Good Times

A few months ago I caroled my way though the horrid things that happened just in summer. Some things actually got worse and the summer literally dragged on till the last week of December. BUT! I promised myself that in order to keep my positive side alive I would write 10 good things that happened to me through out the whole year. This was so unbelievably hard I was shocked...but I managed =) so here it goes..

1.) I made some really great friends & got closer to some older ones.

2.) I got so much closer to God.

3.) I gave a talk [something I've wanted to do for a really long time]

4.) My baby cousin was born - Bettina <3

5.) I had a great time at Soul Survivor.

6.) Zoe came back to Malta (:

7.) My true friends were really there for me when I needed them.

8.) I had 3 amazing live-ins [G.G, Approaching The Throne, I <3>

9.) God used me in ways I never thought could be done.

10.) I finally made friends with my father.

So yes these are my 10..not in any particular order but looking at them makes me think that the disaster of the year I had was not that bad just because I gained those 10 things. So I thank you all for being my friends and being there for me.

I promise I try hard to truly and really love you all =)

Signing out with 10 positive cuddles and blessings xxx

What I did this Christmas...

Wow this feels weird..haven't blogged here in a while. To be fair my computer has been living on it's last string for a long time and I'm literally waiting for it to implode now.

So yesterday was Christmas...so....MELLY CLISTMAS! =D ^^ For those of you that have been around me during this festive season should have heard me singing my Christmas anthem of this year - if you haven't, it means you haven't paid attention to me so SHAME ON YOU! - and the song is..

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart

and the very next day you gave it away.

This year, to save me from tears

I gave it to someone specialer!" ^^

Let me explain to you why this was this years anthem.

Well for the last few years I haven't exactly been single for Christmas and even if I was, the mentality of my mind was to find a guy a.s.a.p and I thank God so much that this year is different. If you know me well, you'd know I've really been trying to break out of my mentality that I need a guy in my life to be happy and I'm trying to focus on just being single and just enjoying leaning on God because after all, He is the only guy who won't break my heart. Which is the point of the song. Last year I willingly gave my heart to a boy and this year I gave my heart to God. Every year that I've been a christian I've always tried to give my heart to God but there was always the chaos of Christmas and stuff but this year was totally different.

This Christmas eve I went home after mass and I was there from 11pm-1am just me alone in my house and I finally managed to really and truly offer my heart up to God [and tell Him happy birthday in peace and quiet :P]. It felt really weird because I felt that my heart was so broken so dirty so not pure that God really deserved such a more epic present, but guys, that's all He wants. Our heart is who we are. It's what motivates us, it's what makes our purest decisions. Without it we are not ourselves.

So yes...the point of this is to encourage you to do the same. Christmas is over now but the new year is still to come.

I've shared my experience.

I hope you can have a similar one =)

Signing out with heartful cuddles and blessings xxx

Did we really have summer?

ok so school's back in and its really weird cos I honestly feel like I never left. Kinda like summer just never happened ><>ok so let me explain...i just wanted u all to know how weird i found out my body is...so basically after lots of tests and stuff my doctors finally figured out that most of my illnesses/allergies/random weird reactions come from stress ><

So apparently since I'm such a relaxed person on the outside my stress and emotions don't really come out and I don't really have a stress reliever so my body reacts to stress by mentally and physically killing me. So yes, my body's logic is to cause me pain to get rid of stress which evidentally causes more stress...my brain sucks ><

Recently I've been figuring out that because my summer was so horrible and because I haven't really expressed how I truly felt about everything that's happened, my body is hiding my memories of this summer....it's really scary...like anything that I try remember that would hurt me to remember this summer is not coming up! It's taking me forever to remember anything about this summer!

And also, another thing I figured out my body is doing is, that it's controlling my character like I'm naturally clinging onto random people so that I won't have to think about anything and just be happy because I feel safe with them...or I'm automatically turning my head and ignoring people out of pure fear that they might remind me of summer and it's scary because my mind will literally NOT let me talk to them(but in cases were I've had to its just been horribly awkward and frightening)...or...and this is the scariest one...if my mind isn't sure if the person is good or bad for me...it just immediately goes blank for those 5 looong seconds and then I either jump on the person or look away- just till my mind decides - and i rlly think im scaring ppl...and I promise I don't mean to...but it's how my body is reacting till everything cools down..so this blog is a pure apology to anyone I'm ignoring or annoying or clinging to at the moment =)

P.S: I have a CT scan and a signed certificate from a Neurologist stating that I'm not clinically insane by saying all that I've said in this blog xD good night...

Signing out with jumping cuddles and blessings xxx

12 Days of Summer

Taken from the famous "The 12 Days Of Christmas" I have summed up my summer...

1 Funeral
2 Break-ups
3 Nights in a hospital bed
4 Hospital visits
5 Mourning people in my house
6 Sunny days spent at the beach out of all summer
7 Working days at Hilton
8 Day vacation - cancelled
9 Weeks of recovery from an operation
10 Approximate full days that I've seen my brother all summer
11 Weeks of studying for a resit
12 Sick visits from the doctor


I write this list out of psycotic humour...go with it

Signing off with 12 cuddles and blessings xxx

The List

ok so today i was looking at my list of things to do in '09, and realised that a lot of things change. Basically in January I write a list of things that i want to do throughout the year, I do this because otherwise I'll do nothing xD Insomma, today I was looking at it and after ticking off a lot of things I realised that a lot of things I actually don't want to do anymore or found out I can't do this year anyway. Through all this I realised how easily things change and how you just have to seize the moment 'cos so much changes so fast its incredible!So yes, I'm determined on finishing my list as soon as possible and keep my septemebr extremely full xD Oh and I'm employed xD with yellow pages <3>

so...to end this blog i just want to ask...

Anyone want to go canoe-ing with me o=)?

Signing off with lists full of cuddles and blessings!

Books that are of real.

So, after some time of messing up and just rummaging through old scripts, by the grace of God I've started a new one.

I'm only in the first chapter here but to be honest till now it looks quite nice (:

Very curious to just skip to the end and see what happens but hey thats just in my nature.

All I know is that I've put the romance novels away for a while and this seems to be quite the adventure story.

Who knows? Maybe they'll be a little bit of romance at the end.

But to be honest, I'm happy, I couldn't care less about that stuff at the moment, living everyday as it comes in the freedom of Christ.

I've handed over the pen to a new author.

He's name is Jesus.

I hope you like He's writing, 'cause I know I'm sure as hell enjoying it (:

Signing out with cheering cuddles and blessings xxx

Bitter Batter Better

Good, Better, Best. May you never rest, till you're Good gets Better and your Better gets Best (:

I dunno about you guys but at St.Michael's we used to sing that a lot in Jr.5 and I remembered it today ^^

Ok so, I've decided to be that little more positive in my life and try do a random act of kindness everyday. Not just hekk but like to better myself and to be nicer to people in general 'cause I noticed I'm tending to the more agressive angry side of life atm.

Also, I've created a book where, each night before I go to bed, I am going to write 3 positive things that happened to me during that day. I have to come up with 3, even on a really horrible day I am not going to let myself skip a day! BUT! I can only write 3 to keep myself humble and to balance things out. Whoever wants to take my idea is more than welcome and that is, after all, why I am blogging about it!

Also, I'd really appreciate it if u visit this site. The girl has been a friend of mine for 6yrs and I'm sure you can spare 2 euros of your credit to help her walk again (: so yes, let that be your random act of kindness for today ^^

Signing out with ARK cuddles and Blessings xxx

Renewed

The love He has for me is strong,

yet I know I love Him too.

Atleast, in the way only a human can love.

For His love is eternal.

His love is pure.

I lift my hands and worship,

think of my past sins.

Think of what I have to give up.

I want to live for Him.

The feelings I have are true.

The feelings I have are strong,

in You alone Lord.

Me and Him walking on our journey...

Lord, I want to be your servant.

I pray,

I want to be your best friend.

You are my Salvation.

So I lift my hands and say,

"I'm ready for you."

With hands burning, tears falling, a blank mind and willing heart,

I give it up to God.

No need for tears.

No need for screams.

No need for laughs.

He's here, within me.

Where He was.

Where He' always been.

Where He always will be.

Renewed in my life, always and forever!

Chapters, Books and Screen Plays turning into Scripts

so...

I'm trying to close a chapter in my life but hv no idea how to write the ending;

tbh im not even sure if i should end the chapter or just plainly end the book, to just let everything go. Start a new book and just play a new character.

All I know is - i want to start a fresh.

I want the excitement of life to come back to me.

I want to take off that old dirty mask and just leave it on the table and pile the new pretty yellow costumes ontop of it.

I want to leave the drama of the old book in the old book and never have to bring it up again.

I want the bring new friendship through the characters and dust off some of the old ones.

I want to project my best features and leave the horrible ones to be eaten by the mice backstage.

I want to go out there and show everyone the best that I can be.

But most of all I want to reflect the Son.

The main character in my script.

I pray He'll always be the main and never in the wings (unless he has a quick change XD)

and yes...i no my book has turned into a script but what can i say...I'm a performer ><

Signing out with theatrical blessings and cuddles xxx

20 things I learnt under the knife...

1. Ultrasounds are cooool!

2. It can be really hard to find a surgeon on a Friday night ><

3. "O.k you're going to feel a bit sleepy soon"

"how long will it take for me to feel...woooooo zzzzzzz"

4. Morphine is my friend ^^

5. I shiver frantically for an hr after surgery.

6. I realised why they ask so many questions before surgery.

7. Anestesia is not my friend ><

8. Learnt how it really feels to actually really throw up water xD

9. The gown they give you is actually quite comfy.

10. Drip = Bessie <3

11. 2 injections + 1 arm = MASSIVE YELLOW,GREEN & RED BRUISE ><

12. Pissing the food that Bessie gave me gives a smooth feeling.

13. We really use our abs more than we think.

14. I do not sleep well unless I'm on my side.

15. If you don't eat and keep your food, the hospital will not discharge you 0.o

16. My friends have officially seen me at my worst.

17. When something internally touches your abdominal area, your intestine's shut down.

18. They encourage you to fart after surgery xD

19. When you look dead and beaten up, your baby cousin will be scared of you ><

20. All that pain for a 5CM appendix ><

oh and...when they see free fluid running aorund in you abdomen...your screwed xD

Signing off with surgical cuddles and blessings!

Yellow flowers and Blue rainbows

I'm sitting here,crouched.
NO! what did we say...postive things only...dont mention your pain ><
Fineeee, so..im sitting here, listening to disney songs and realising that i have asolutely nothing to do.
What did i just say?
Meh...
I have decided to try get my positiveness back and be me again...im finding it kinda hard cos im used to d negativity..and feelign sorry for myself. *and zip-a-dee-doo-dah just came on xD*
But like I've realised that the more negative you are about the negative things going on in your life the worse your gonna make it you no?

-ve + -ve = double -vitiy

+ve + -ve= neautral action

so in actual fact its always better to try make soemthign positive even if you feel its impossible.
Now I started reading a book Steve gave me its bout positive thinking and I know that will get me back on track =) and look I'm already getting there..
I really wanna genuinely thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for keeping me in your prayers and wishing me better and coming to visit me and sending me sms or fb messages or phoning...anything and everything helped so much =) I am honestly truly grateful for my friends..and I must admit that even though my whole bday was a fiasco....my friends still managed to make it special and i am eternally grateful for ALL OF YOU!

Next blog will be all about my freaky experience in a hospital...i might just vlog it =P XD
IF..your lucky ;)

Signing out with massive individual cuddles, blessings and smushes! <3

Shrug

No..I don't need special hugs. Tbh I don't really want hugs at all at the moment.
Wow, my Blog has completely turned pessimistic.
Hmph.. I think I've lost Kai.
Incedible, how since my Bday nothings really gone my way.
Bleh..is the word I'd use to describe how I feel atm.
Interesting, is what you feel when you realise that you've put on a mask.
Sigh..there isn't much to undersatnd here.
Happiness, hasn't been in my vocab for a while now.
Sadness..has.

I don't really know what's wrong tbh I'm still trying to figure it out..

But till then...


I'm out