Did we really have summer?

ok so school's back in and its really weird cos I honestly feel like I never left. Kinda like summer just never happened ><>ok so let me explain...i just wanted u all to know how weird i found out my body is...so basically after lots of tests and stuff my doctors finally figured out that most of my illnesses/allergies/random weird reactions come from stress ><

So apparently since I'm such a relaxed person on the outside my stress and emotions don't really come out and I don't really have a stress reliever so my body reacts to stress by mentally and physically killing me. So yes, my body's logic is to cause me pain to get rid of stress which evidentally causes more stress...my brain sucks ><

Recently I've been figuring out that because my summer was so horrible and because I haven't really expressed how I truly felt about everything that's happened, my body is hiding my memories of this summer....it's really scary...like anything that I try remember that would hurt me to remember this summer is not coming up! It's taking me forever to remember anything about this summer!

And also, another thing I figured out my body is doing is, that it's controlling my character like I'm naturally clinging onto random people so that I won't have to think about anything and just be happy because I feel safe with them...or I'm automatically turning my head and ignoring people out of pure fear that they might remind me of summer and it's scary because my mind will literally NOT let me talk to them(but in cases were I've had to its just been horribly awkward and frightening)...or...and this is the scariest one...if my mind isn't sure if the person is good or bad for me...it just immediately goes blank for those 5 looong seconds and then I either jump on the person or look away- just till my mind decides - and i rlly think im scaring ppl...and I promise I don't mean to...but it's how my body is reacting till everything cools down..so this blog is a pure apology to anyone I'm ignoring or annoying or clinging to at the moment =)

P.S: I have a CT scan and a signed certificate from a Neurologist stating that I'm not clinically insane by saying all that I've said in this blog xD good night...

Signing out with jumping cuddles and blessings xxx

12 Days of Summer

Taken from the famous "The 12 Days Of Christmas" I have summed up my summer...

1 Funeral
2 Break-ups
3 Nights in a hospital bed
4 Hospital visits
5 Mourning people in my house
6 Sunny days spent at the beach out of all summer
7 Working days at Hilton
8 Day vacation - cancelled
9 Weeks of recovery from an operation
10 Approximate full days that I've seen my brother all summer
11 Weeks of studying for a resit
12 Sick visits from the doctor


I write this list out of psycotic humour...go with it

Signing off with 12 cuddles and blessings xxx

The List

ok so today i was looking at my list of things to do in '09, and realised that a lot of things change. Basically in January I write a list of things that i want to do throughout the year, I do this because otherwise I'll do nothing xD Insomma, today I was looking at it and after ticking off a lot of things I realised that a lot of things I actually don't want to do anymore or found out I can't do this year anyway. Through all this I realised how easily things change and how you just have to seize the moment 'cos so much changes so fast its incredible!So yes, I'm determined on finishing my list as soon as possible and keep my septemebr extremely full xD Oh and I'm employed xD with yellow pages <3>

so...to end this blog i just want to ask...

Anyone want to go canoe-ing with me o=)?

Signing off with lists full of cuddles and blessings!

Books that are of real.

So, after some time of messing up and just rummaging through old scripts, by the grace of God I've started a new one.

I'm only in the first chapter here but to be honest till now it looks quite nice (:

Very curious to just skip to the end and see what happens but hey thats just in my nature.

All I know is that I've put the romance novels away for a while and this seems to be quite the adventure story.

Who knows? Maybe they'll be a little bit of romance at the end.

But to be honest, I'm happy, I couldn't care less about that stuff at the moment, living everyday as it comes in the freedom of Christ.

I've handed over the pen to a new author.

He's name is Jesus.

I hope you like He's writing, 'cause I know I'm sure as hell enjoying it (:

Signing out with cheering cuddles and blessings xxx

Bitter Batter Better

Good, Better, Best. May you never rest, till you're Good gets Better and your Better gets Best (:

I dunno about you guys but at St.Michael's we used to sing that a lot in Jr.5 and I remembered it today ^^

Ok so, I've decided to be that little more positive in my life and try do a random act of kindness everyday. Not just hekk but like to better myself and to be nicer to people in general 'cause I noticed I'm tending to the more agressive angry side of life atm.

Also, I've created a book where, each night before I go to bed, I am going to write 3 positive things that happened to me during that day. I have to come up with 3, even on a really horrible day I am not going to let myself skip a day! BUT! I can only write 3 to keep myself humble and to balance things out. Whoever wants to take my idea is more than welcome and that is, after all, why I am blogging about it!

Also, I'd really appreciate it if u visit this site. The girl has been a friend of mine for 6yrs and I'm sure you can spare 2 euros of your credit to help her walk again (: so yes, let that be your random act of kindness for today ^^

Signing out with ARK cuddles and Blessings xxx