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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Did we really have summer?

ok so school's back in and its really weird cos I honestly feel like I never left. Kinda like summer just never happened ><>ok so let me explain...i just wanted u all to know how weird i found out my body is...so basically after lots of tests and stuff my doctors finally figured out that most of my illnesses/allergies/random weird reactions come from stress ><

So apparently since I'm such a relaxed person on the outside my stress and emotions don't really come out and I don't really have a stress reliever so my body reacts to stress by mentally and physically killing me. So yes, my body's logic is to cause me pain to get rid of stress which evidentally causes more stress...my brain sucks ><
Recently I've been figuring out that because my summer was so horrible and because I haven't really expressed how I truly felt about everything that's happened, my body is hiding my memories of this summer....it's really scary...like anything that I try remember that would hurt me to remember this summer is not coming up! It's taking me forever to remember anything about this summer!
And also, another thing I figured out my body is doing is, that it's controlling my character like I'm naturally clinging onto random people so that I won't have to think about anything and just be happy because I feel safe with them...or I'm automatically turning my head and ignoring people out of pure fear that they might remind me of summer and it's scary because my mind will literally NOT let me talk to them(but in cases were I've had to its just been horribly awkward and frightening)...or...and this is the scariest one...if my mind isn't sure if the person is good or bad for me...it just immediately goes blank for those 5 looong seconds and then I either jump on the person or look away- just till my mind decides - and i rlly think im scaring ppl...and I promise I don't mean to...but it's how my body is reacting till everything cools down..so this blog is a pure apology to anyone I'm ignoring or annoying or clinging to at the moment =)

P.S: I have a CT scan and a signed certificate from a Neurologist stating that I'm not clinically insane by saying all that I've said in this blog xD good night...

Signing out with jumping cuddles and blessings xxx

5 comments:

Simon said...

lol, you have a funny brain :) mine doesn't tell me wen the pain i feel is dangerously close to my pain threshold... we're all wierd

MINA said...

oh so that's why you attacked me yesterday? <3

David said...

you didn't require an apology :P

you know though - u got me thinking there for a second whether you'd distanced urself or whether ur clinging onto me !!! :P:P


all i could think of is that ur a sweet person. Being calm does not mean u suppress all that u feel inside you ...being in-sync with all ur aspects of your being is the trick - and it takes time to get all the settings right :)

It's false and misleading if people make you feel guilty that you are still seeking this balance. There are people who spend their whole lives seeking this !!

don't worry about the ppl whom you think you left behind - d ones that keep up with you - you'd know about them - the moment u ask for something / help / would want to share sadness or happiness will reply to your plea :)

tc xx
dave

Achie said...

I think you're mental as always, and if you told even one person bout your summer you could ask them to remind you, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. However I know even less than you do :P

I'll sit wherever you want to sit in bio. Whatever that may be (:

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