What I did this Christmas...

Wow this feels weird..haven't blogged here in a while. To be fair my computer has been living on it's last string for a long time and I'm literally waiting for it to implode now.

So yesterday was Christmas...so....MELLY CLISTMAS! =D ^^ For those of you that have been around me during this festive season should have heard me singing my Christmas anthem of this year - if you haven't, it means you haven't paid attention to me so SHAME ON YOU! - and the song is..

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart

and the very next day you gave it away.

This year, to save me from tears

I gave it to someone specialer!" ^^

Let me explain to you why this was this years anthem.

Well for the last few years I haven't exactly been single for Christmas and even if I was, the mentality of my mind was to find a guy a.s.a.p and I thank God so much that this year is different. If you know me well, you'd know I've really been trying to break out of my mentality that I need a guy in my life to be happy and I'm trying to focus on just being single and just enjoying leaning on God because after all, He is the only guy who won't break my heart. Which is the point of the song. Last year I willingly gave my heart to a boy and this year I gave my heart to God. Every year that I've been a christian I've always tried to give my heart to God but there was always the chaos of Christmas and stuff but this year was totally different.

This Christmas eve I went home after mass and I was there from 11pm-1am just me alone in my house and I finally managed to really and truly offer my heart up to God [and tell Him happy birthday in peace and quiet :P]. It felt really weird because I felt that my heart was so broken so dirty so not pure that God really deserved such a more epic present, but guys, that's all He wants. Our heart is who we are. It's what motivates us, it's what makes our purest decisions. Without it we are not ourselves.

So yes...the point of this is to encourage you to do the same. Christmas is over now but the new year is still to come.

I've shared my experience.

I hope you can have a similar one =)

Signing out with heartful cuddles and blessings xxx

Did we really have summer?

ok so school's back in and its really weird cos I honestly feel like I never left. Kinda like summer just never happened ><>ok so let me explain...i just wanted u all to know how weird i found out my body is...so basically after lots of tests and stuff my doctors finally figured out that most of my illnesses/allergies/random weird reactions come from stress ><

So apparently since I'm such a relaxed person on the outside my stress and emotions don't really come out and I don't really have a stress reliever so my body reacts to stress by mentally and physically killing me. So yes, my body's logic is to cause me pain to get rid of stress which evidentally causes more stress...my brain sucks ><

Recently I've been figuring out that because my summer was so horrible and because I haven't really expressed how I truly felt about everything that's happened, my body is hiding my memories of this summer....it's really scary...like anything that I try remember that would hurt me to remember this summer is not coming up! It's taking me forever to remember anything about this summer!

And also, another thing I figured out my body is doing is, that it's controlling my character like I'm naturally clinging onto random people so that I won't have to think about anything and just be happy because I feel safe with them...or I'm automatically turning my head and ignoring people out of pure fear that they might remind me of summer and it's scary because my mind will literally NOT let me talk to them(but in cases were I've had to its just been horribly awkward and frightening)...or...and this is the scariest one...if my mind isn't sure if the person is good or bad for me...it just immediately goes blank for those 5 looong seconds and then I either jump on the person or look away- just till my mind decides - and i rlly think im scaring ppl...and I promise I don't mean to...but it's how my body is reacting till everything cools down..so this blog is a pure apology to anyone I'm ignoring or annoying or clinging to at the moment =)

P.S: I have a CT scan and a signed certificate from a Neurologist stating that I'm not clinically insane by saying all that I've said in this blog xD good night...

Signing out with jumping cuddles and blessings xxx

12 Days of Summer

Taken from the famous "The 12 Days Of Christmas" I have summed up my summer...

1 Funeral
2 Break-ups
3 Nights in a hospital bed
4 Hospital visits
5 Mourning people in my house
6 Sunny days spent at the beach out of all summer
7 Working days at Hilton
8 Day vacation - cancelled
9 Weeks of recovery from an operation
10 Approximate full days that I've seen my brother all summer
11 Weeks of studying for a resit
12 Sick visits from the doctor


I write this list out of psycotic humour...go with it

Signing off with 12 cuddles and blessings xxx

The List

ok so today i was looking at my list of things to do in '09, and realised that a lot of things change. Basically in January I write a list of things that i want to do throughout the year, I do this because otherwise I'll do nothing xD Insomma, today I was looking at it and after ticking off a lot of things I realised that a lot of things I actually don't want to do anymore or found out I can't do this year anyway. Through all this I realised how easily things change and how you just have to seize the moment 'cos so much changes so fast its incredible!So yes, I'm determined on finishing my list as soon as possible and keep my septemebr extremely full xD Oh and I'm employed xD with yellow pages <3>

so...to end this blog i just want to ask...

Anyone want to go canoe-ing with me o=)?

Signing off with lists full of cuddles and blessings!

Books that are of real.

So, after some time of messing up and just rummaging through old scripts, by the grace of God I've started a new one.

I'm only in the first chapter here but to be honest till now it looks quite nice (:

Very curious to just skip to the end and see what happens but hey thats just in my nature.

All I know is that I've put the romance novels away for a while and this seems to be quite the adventure story.

Who knows? Maybe they'll be a little bit of romance at the end.

But to be honest, I'm happy, I couldn't care less about that stuff at the moment, living everyday as it comes in the freedom of Christ.

I've handed over the pen to a new author.

He's name is Jesus.

I hope you like He's writing, 'cause I know I'm sure as hell enjoying it (:

Signing out with cheering cuddles and blessings xxx